Do Your Convictions Require Courage?

I was thinking the other day about my grandfather.  I was conducting an offer summit for a new client and providing a little bit of my background as a third generation fundraiser.  I mentioned that my grandfather had been working for a small Christian college in New York (no longer in existence) in their fundraising.

This was in the late 1920s. At the time, one of the primary tools for fundraising was the gift annuity. People made a large gift to a charity which then invested the money and provided a regular payment to the donor. At the donor’s death, the money that was left was transferred solely to the charity.

These people were generally not wealthy but often very generous.  But waiting for people to die to realize the full amount of their gift takes time — and a lot of patience. I’ve always jokingly said that if you make a planned gift to an organization, you can expect to live an extra 5 to 10 years. Not a guarantee but something I’ve observed over the last 45 years.

If you’re wanting to see a higher return, you could be tempted to take riskier investment positions.

In the last few years, we’ve seen a number of companies go bankrupt or lose a fortune because one person found a loophole to do this same thing.

Always willing to risk someone else’s money for their gain.

In the 1989, some genius came up with the idea for the Foundation for New Era Philanthropy. It all sounded too good to be true — and it was. It was nothing but a giant Ponzi scheme that ended up swindling $135 million dollars from Christian organizations.

It was no different for this little college with, I’m sure, big dreams.  This was the roaring twenties after all!

Margin requirements were virtually non-existent (one only had to provide 10-20% of the stock cost from their own pocket). Millions of dollars were there to be made with a little investment — and, as it turns out — a lot of risk.

And so the administration of this small, Christian college decided to take the lives of its donors and put them at risk by taking the annuity funds and investing them in the stock market. They might as well have been playing the ponies or betting everything on a pair of twos.

This is where my grandfather took a courageous step.

He couldn’t condone this risky ploy to generate more dollars for a good cause. So he provided the administration an ultimatum.

Either the school decide to protect the donors’ investments or I will quit.

That’s quite a statement.  I’m not sure that I would be so bold. I might be tempted to say something like: “I’ll look for another job” or “I don’t support this” but this is something that I’d have to follow through on.

This was the summer of 1928.  The college administration and trustees decided that the risk of not investing in the stock market was too great. and

And so he quit. Right then and there. No hesitation. I don’t think he had a plan but he knew he had to take a stand.

He had the courage to follow his conviction.

Early on, it probably looked like he was just being a Negative Nelly. At the end of June 1928, the Dow Jones was at $210.55 and a year later it jumped to $333.79.

That’s a whopping 59% growth in just one year!

The college administrators and trustees must have thought they made the right decision. I’m sure they were patting themselves on the back all the way up to October 29, 1929.

And that’s when the annuitants, who were counting on their monthly checks, lost everything.

The college lingered for a few more decades, but it was never really able to fulfill its goals and so eventually closed their doors. I never had a chance to talk with my grandpa about how he felt afterwards but, based on the man I knew, I’m sure there was not a lot of gloating — just a deep sense of sadness.

My grandfather began a time doing a variety of things and meeting people who would play vital roles in his future work. But he didn’t know that, of course.

He just knew that the decision — driven by greed — wasn’t right.

Over the course of the next few years, he wandered. He was an itinerant evangelist. I’m sure with a family he worried about money, about the safety of a paying job, about where his next paycheck was coming from.

Those are things I’ve felt over the years as I ventured out on my own (off and on) into something I like to call “Gainful Unemployment” i.e. Consulting. It’s not a place for someone who needs stability.

A few years later, when he was the pastor of a church in Oak Park, Illinois (and head of the local ministerial association), he stood up and vocally opposed the Chicago Outfit moving their gambling and alcohol business into the community.

That didn’t sit well with the Outfit. They don’t take kindly to people standing in their way — so much so that they threatened his life. And for the following two years, he carried a gun wherever he went.

Talk about requiring courage!

It makes me smile to think about it.  I actually have one of the guns he carried. I hope it was in better shape back then because a gunsmith friend informed me it was unsafe to ever fire. It causes me to think.

When was the last time my convictions required real courage?

I’m not talking about losing a few dollars or a little embarrassment.  God knows how many times I’ve done something that should embarrass me but it doesn’t. I’m talking about losing a longstanding relationship with a friend — or even relative.  I’m talking about being unemployed for months or years (hard to believe in this environment where there are more jobs than job seekers).

After all, if our convictions don’t require courage, do they really mean anything?

What price would you be willing to pay for your convictions? It’s a question I continually grapple with. Thanks, Grandpa, for setting the bar high.

You disagree? I must hate you now!

I’ve been really intrigued at the response over the last month or so to the passing of two political/social icons – Justice Antonin Scalia and former First Lady, Nancy Reagan. In today’s world it seems to be an oxymoron.

How can it be that people who couldn’t have disagreed with the positions of either more are saying wonderful things about the people they were.  Is it possible for Justice Scalia and Justice Ginsberg to be really good friends?

How can that be?

If you disagree with someone you’re supposed to destroy their personhood, aren’t you? Isn’t that our social and political culture? Friendship with someone we disagree with is an oxymoron. It is our responsibility to put them in their place. To force them to see the error of their ways. Isn’t that how it is supposed to work?

I wonder.

Why is it we often feel the need to practice a scorched earth policy when it comes to ideas and disagreements?  I watched this play out recently at my alma mater, Wheaton College.

The entire episode didn’t make me angry, it made me very sad. I can only think of one person in the entire conversation who consistently advocated a position of civility. Everyone’s motives were questioned.  By everyone.

Every. Single. One.

By the way posting a piece on facebook as “information” – even without comment – doesn’t earn you a pass. You’re still party to the lack of civility.

But sadly this isn’t something new. I’ve been very frustrated at watching the Wheaton College community act over the years. Now you can feel free to disagree with me but I think that the change of mascots may have been an omen of things to come. I’m not at all suggesting that the Crusader mascot should have been kept.

It just seemed to me at the time – and now – that the choice of mascots now is just a bit curious and perhaps a sad statement on where the evangelical community is moving (all of them — liberal and conservative).

Perhaps to give you a little insight into my perspective I heard about it listening to the Bob & Tom show on my way to work (not really the most uplifting of radio shows). It made for a great joke on the show. So … what did the college choose?

Thunder.

It’s a loud noise that does absolutely nothing. Ok it may scare small children. It may knock a few things off the wall at times but it really doesn’t do anything at all. Talk about inspirational. (Please feel free to insert your own image of thunder here, I couldn’t find one.)

What I find so ironic is that is exactly what we become when we can’t agree and can’t be friends. When we resort to name calling. When we base our responses on people’s motives (because we obviously know what’s in their hearts!).

In this most recent “controversy” there are valid arguments and positions on both sides. But maybe it’s deeper than that.

It seems to me that we don’t know what to do with our faith if we’re not “right.” I’ve seen fathers and sons not speak to each other for years because their position on eschatology didn’t match. I’ve seen friendships fall apart because one had a young earth view and the other had an old earth view.

Really?

Is our need to be right all that important? More important than our need to be kind? More important than our need to be a light into a dark world? Please don’t hear this as a call for “anything goes” or that there isn’t absolute truth.

I think one of the biggest challenges for Christians is how to be “in the world but not of the world.” Too often we’re afraid that the two are the same. So we retreat back behind the walls of our churches to keep the world at bay.

Even if that were a good thing (and I don’t think it is) that also means walling out other Christians who don’t believe exactly how we believe. After all they’re wrong and we’re right so we “can’t associate together or my friends will think I’m one of them.”

I have to say that throughout the whole recent debacle at Wheaton College, I was tempted to unfriend many people. Not because I didn’t agree with their point of view (some I did, others I didn’t) but because their tone and approach was so unkind. Because they assumed they knew the hearts and motives of the other side.

But, how would I be any different if I did that?

I still want to be your friend whether we agree or not. Frankly, I’d love to engage with many of you more. I enjoy healthy debate – it’s fun for me especially when it’s a bit controversial. But I feel as though people are painting my portrait with a 12-inch roller. I guess that might be ok if it’s on the side of a building (though who would really want that?) but not if it’s going to fit in my living room.

Maybe that’s why I’m such a big fan of the artist Georges Suerat. His painting “A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of la Grande Jatte” is hanging in The Art Institute in Chicago. It’s from a style called pointillism. I think that’s a great way to see each person.

I think, perhaps, that is how God sees us. He sees the whole but he sees all that makes up the whole, too. Maybe I ought to start looking at people that way.

I’d love to make a difference in peoples’ lives. I’d love for every one of them to see Jesus in me – even if it’s not as perfect as I’d like it to be.

I know that’s not always the case.

I wish it were. When I look back over life I see too many relationships that have been left along the side of life’s road. I hope that’s not you. If it is, I’m sorry for letting a valuable friendship drop because we didn’t agree. I’m in a much different place now. I hope it’s better for everyone. I may not agree with you but I still would like to be a friend.

I hope you still want to be my friend, too.

The Ostrich Principle at Work

I have a radical idea – let’s just do away with all the organizations helping our poor and homeless people and then we wouldn’t have a problem anymore. No more poor.  No more homeless.  Makes sense doesn’t it?

After all isn’t the fact that there are those services that there are poor and homeless people?

That’s what Mayor Eric Bever of Costa Mesa, California thinks. He’d like to limit the work and scope of organizations serving the poor and homeless in his community.  He believes that they would solve (eliminate)  the complaints about vagrants in public parks and facilities “if we managed to put the soup kitchens out of business.”

It’s true he’s a heartless Republican but this type of thinking isn’t limited to a particular political party. The solutions to big problems like homelessness and the poor aren’t quick fixes.

Jesus said that “the poor you will always have with you.” That’s true but do we have to treat them poorly?

When we go out and help the poor and homeless, we’re not creating a problem, we’re reacting to a problem. It’s the opposite of the “Field of Dreams” approach to solving a problem – if you get rid of it they will leave.

It’s not going to happen. At least not in Costa Mesa. Its Mediterranean climate is ideal for people to live outdoors most of the year. Why wouldn’t you want to live here if you’re homeless? It beats the heck out of living in Chicago or Buffalo.

Some cities have taken to warehousing the homeless in a single, out-of-the-way location so that no one has to see them.  I understand this quite well.  I’m often in Chicago and have been known to pull the Bill Murray routine on the homeless person as I’m walking to the theatre or the symphony. We hide from the ugliness of our communities or our situations.  Not sure what I’m talking about?

There’s a scene where, in the early part of the movie, Groundhog Day, when Bill Murray’s character comes upon a homeless man and instead of helping with a donation, he pats his overcoat like he doesn’t have a dime on him and walks on.

As his character develops through the movie, he progresses from giving him money to actually taking him into a diner and feeding him soup.  I love that progression from ignorance to casual impact to hands-on, down and dirty involvement.

Instead of blaming the folks that are serving the poor and homeless, perhaps we should focus more of our efforts on providing long-term solutions. Organizations such as Star of Hope, Nashville Rescue Mission, Detroit Rescue Mission and Cherry Street Mission Ministries are all seeking to provide long-term solutions to immediate problems.

Perhaps it’s time we all got on board with this approach.

Taking a Leap of Faith, Part 2

Have you been thinking about what you could do if you weren’t afraid of failing . . . of taking that leap of faith?

I have.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. I have come up with what I think are some dynamite recipes for both BBQ Sauces and Salsas. I’ve shared them with some friends and coworkers and have had great feedback.

Enough so that I’ve been playing around with starting CB’s BBQ Sauce & Salsa Company. It’s not much right now. In fact, it hasn’t moved off a dime for nearly 18 months.

Why?

I like that people like my food and if I can’t make this work from a business standpoint than what does that say about me? I like to project an air of confidence in the face of challenges yet there are times when I don’t want to fail. More than that, I’ve been listening to the voices that say:

• I hope you’re not counting on this to live on.
• Did you know how many businesses fail in their first year?
• It’s really good but there’s lots of competition out there. You won’t stick out!

You’ve heard those voices, too. They may be making different statements but the intent is the same.

What they’re saying isn’t wrong. They’re speaking words of truth and yet these truisms are keeping me from leaping out in faith and trying something I believe in. They are the same words that people like Steve Jobs and hundreds of others like him ignored and succeeded in spite of the odds. So let me ask you something.

Are you listening to those same voices as I’ve been listening to them?

I’ve thought that I can’t fail if I don’t try. But isn’t not trying the same as failing? Besides what’s the worst that can happen if I fail? I’m out some money and maybe a little pride. Along the way I can learn more about what makes me good at what I do and do more to practice that.

In my journey to understanding me, I read a book that changed my approach to work. Maybe it’s more accurate to say: it’s changed my approach to life.

It was a very simple idea backed up by lots of research. The book title: First, Discover your Strengths. I wish I had known about that years ago because I would have been much more productive. It’s what I learned the hard way in my own business experience. Simply put, focus on the areas where you’re strong and try to minimize your work in the areas of weakness.

Do you want to know what I learned from my first consulting practice that failed? It’s very simple but frankly it freed me to become the person I am today. What I learned is this:

I am not my failure.

My failure is not me.

I am not a failure.

That may not be what others think of me. Guess what? I don’t care. I know the truth.

This is also what I learned from Marcus Buckingham and his Strengths books. When I not only understand this from a theoretical sense but believe and act on it, I can take those leaps of faith it will take to get where I want to go.

I love what I do both personally and professionally. When I’m developing a marketing plan or trying something new in the kitchen I sometimes feel as though I’m Monet painting the Lilies at Giverny. So I think it’s time that I put these skills to work.  Together.

While I’m not going to quit my day job (or even back off on my commitment to my work and my clients) I’m going to use my free time to launch something that has a chance to be something spectacular.

I hope that sometime in the future you are walking down the aisle of your favorite grocery store and choosing my BBQ sauce or one of my salsas. Maybe you’ll begin by buying them online through my website.

Although I’m not there yet, I have a plan. And I want to move beyond my fear and take a leap of faith. So over the next months, I’m going to be blogging more about my steps (and perhaps mis-steps) as I try to launch CB’s BBQ Sauce and Salsa Company. You’re invited on this journey with me and I hope you’ll be sharing with me your own leaps of faith.

The Cost of Doing Nothing

Have you ever had one of those freight trains crashing moments? You know what I mean, you can see the wreck coming but you’re either powerless to stop it or in shock to the extent you can’t move. You can’t look away but you don’t do anything to solve the problem.

We all sometimes have this fear that we’re going to make the wrong choice and some terrible event will befall us so we don’t really do anything thinking doing nothing is better than doing the wrong thing. Unfortunately there are examples throughout history where that proved to be wrong. Doing nothing was exactly the wrong thing to do.

Over the years I’ve developed a fascination with the Civil War. It has been argued that the outcome of the entire Civil War rested on the non-action of one Confederate General – Lieutenant General Richard S. Ewell. Just before the battle General Thomas (Stonewall) Jackson had been mortally wounded. A brilliant tactician he saw several steps ahead of those around him.

Perhaps what was even more important is that he and General Lee were on the same wavelength. They understood each other and what was meant by various orders. This is important because the General who replaced Jackson didn’t. So on the first day of the battle when Lee issued the order to take Little Round Top if at all practical, the General faltered. He didn’t know enough to determine if it was “practical.”

General Jackson would have understood that order slightly differently – he’d have understood it to mean “take the damn hill!” The delay allowed the Union to reinforce a weakness in their line that could have changed the outcome of the battle.

I’m sure we’ve all heard the term “analysis paralysis.” It means that we’re constantly trying to analyze a problem to find the perfect solution only not acting at all. We’re stuck in that loop looking for the best possible outcome and not accomplishing anything.

There are times that I’ve been accused of moving too quickly. Not taking the time to address the situation from every single angle. That’s true. I don’t often do that because in today’s world we’re called on to make decisions. To act.

It’s a challenge because when facing the option of making the wrong choice or making no choice we often take the path of least resistance – and perhaps pain – by making no choice at all. The only thing this accomplishes is that someone . . . something . . . some event makes the decision for us and we are tossed about by the consequences without participating.

Time and time again we’ve seen the consequences of inaction. In Germany during the Second World War millions of Jews and others deemed “not desirable” were killed because, as a nation, people refused to take action. The events swept up and destroyed a nation creating a stain in their history that no amount of bleach or revisionist history can erase.

So what does that mean for us?

I’m somewhat heartened by the Loux family motto at this point. I’m not sure this is written on a coat of arms (or that we even have a coat of arms) anywhere but it should be. Our motto is: “right or wrong but never in doubt.” I’ve been using this motto as a model for my work and for moving forward.

Here’s what I like about this motto: I may be wrong. Now I wouldn’t move forward with something if I thought I was wrong when I started. But sometimes, no matter how smart we are, we make the wrong choice. But there’s a freedom in knowing that if you’re wrong sometime, the world won’t end. I’m not a nuclear physicist after all.

That doesn’t mean that there aren’t consequences for failing but I’ve found that I’m able to adapt to the realities of life easier if I’m a participant in the process rather than being tossed about by circumstances. But that’s just me. What do you think?

Looking for my Easy Button

Have you seen my “Easy Button”?

I seem to have misplaced it because I’m having to work pretty hard . . . and nothing is coming easy.  It should though, shouldn’t it?

It seems that everyone is looking for that Easy Button so that they don’t have to go through the hard work so often required to achieve the desired results.  Perhaps it’s because of spending some time on a farm over the years, I’ve learned that there aren’t really any shortcuts for most things.

Wouldn’t it be great if there was a different Easy Button for everything? Especially relationships. It doesn’t really matter if the relationships are at work, with family members or with other friends. They’re just hard work — and they take time.

My good friend Billy was over for dinner the other night. I love having Billy over because there’s non-stop laughing. Since he lives out of town we try to get together every time he’s in town. Usually it works. Sometimes it doesn’t. 

But it always includes some pretty good food and some really great wine.

Perhaps the biggest laughs we had the other night was around this very subject as we’ve run across so many people looking to take a shortcut to success.  It’s a bit like me buying a lottery ticket when the value reaches $100 million.

Now I know that it’s not likely that I’m going to win the lottery (frankly it’s more likely that I’ll be struck by lightening). Not sure why I think $1 million wouldn’t be helpful. But I keep thinking that I’ll win and my life will get better.

For too many of those who have won these giant jackpots, they are back in the exact same position they were before winning the jackpot within a few years.

You see, it doesn’t work out that way.  I’ve spent this fall watching Facebook updates and Twitter feeds from my friends at wineries in Sonoma, California. I think they would probably agree that it hasn’t been an easy year.  I’m sure they could have taken shortcuts all along the way but they didn’t.

Why not?

Because shortcuts wouldn’t lead to great wine. And, after all, they’re not just after good wines they’re looking to create great wines. Like every person who makes their living off the land, they’re subject to the whims of the weather. It’s out of their control.

More than that, they’re many months off from knowing how this harvest is going to turn out.  Plans made in the spring are lying with some of their grapes.

In the compost pile.

Hours spent sorting. Picking grapes throughout the night. Calling all their friends and family to help. They know that there’s no such thing as the Easy Button.

It’s a fun idea it’s just not reality.

So what does that mean for you and me? It means that we have to roll up our sleeves, quit the bitching and moaning about the fairness of life and get to work.  It means doing the things that need to be done that, in the end, produce great results.

So the next time you hear me whining about pushing the Easy Button, just let me know that it’s not the way to really achieve success.

What’s Love Got to do With It?

Can’t you just hear Tina Turner belting this out? I’m sitting at 38,000 feet and I can still see the music video of Tina wondering what this “second hand emotion” has to do with a particular relationship. I can’t help but think she’s wrong.  Love has a lot to do with it.

And it really doesn’t matter what “it” is.  We do whatever we love well and whatever we don’t love poorly. I don’t love balancing my checkbook.  The result? Whatever doesn’t balance is written in a line called “adjustments.” That is when I get around to balancing it.

I love cooking so I’m constantly learning more about the art. Watching cooking shows on television, trying new flavors, collecting cookbooks.  All those things you do when you care about something. The same is true in relationships.  It’s something I’m learning pretty late in life.

If you knew me 15 years ago or more please read the next few paragraphs. If you’ve just known me in the last few years you can skip the next paragraph.

My good friends. Thanks for hanging in there with me.  I was not always the best friend mostly because I didn’t really understand the power of good relationships. You see, for a lot of years I thought I could do everything on my own.  I didn’t think I needed people.  I was wrong. I thought it was better that I could do everything on my own with no one else’s help. I was wrong, totally wrong. While I am an introvert, I’m discovering how much I really enjoy being around and working alongside other people. So thanks for not dropping me like a bad habit.

I’ve learned that I need to be in relationship with people.  That seems like something that’s a no brainer but for me it was a revelation. Ok not just be in relationship with anybody but you, my friends. 

And I love making new friends. There’s nothing more fun than having a bunch of friends over for a Monday’s @ Mark’s. Only a handful of you have had the opportunity to join me but thanks for being a part of that.  Or having a meal together that lasts all night (and includes several bottles of my favorite wines).  When your sides hurt at the end of the night from laughing so hard, it’s been a great night.

I love the work I do. Not everything about it but the work.  I also love the clients I get to work with, too, but it’s the work that gets me excited to get going in the morning.  It’s what makes good at what I do (or at least I like to think that I am!).

Have you ever met someone who was ambivalent about something and were also very good at whatever that is?  I haven’t. Ambivalence breeds mediocrity. It’s why I have always encouraged people to find and pursue their passions. If what they do isn’t one of their passions, find something that is and go do it. 

My passions don’t have to be your passions.  In fact, they probably aren’t and that’s what gives color to life.  It reminds me of the film Pleasantville where everyone was the same and those who became different started appearing in color.  It was disconcerting to those living in the monochromatic world.

I read a blog a few months ago where the writer suggested that one of the worst motivations for finding a job was to focus on the things you love. Why? Because you might not get paid as much doing something you love. 

Really?

How many people hate their jobs because they chose it simply because they would make more money? I know you have to pay the bills but if you don’t love what you do, you won’t be any good at it.  You’ll also feel your commute is like climbing aboard a boat and crossing the river Styx into Dante’s picture of hell. The only question for the day is which circle of hell will you end up in.

Don’t do it. 

Find what you love and pursue it with all of you.  You’ll be glad you did.

The Benefits of Smoking Your Own Meat

While I have mixed memories of my time living in Texas, one of the passions I picked up while there was the passion for smoked meats.  It’s been kind of a crazy summer and I haven’t pulled the smoker out of the garage very often this year.  Even the neighbors had started to notice.

Just a few comments to and from the mailbox or taking the trash out suggesting that the neighborhood didn’t smell like Tennessee very often anymore.

Now if the truth be told, while I’m living by the letter of the law, it may not be what was intended by the neighborhood association.  The “rules” say only gas grills on decks and patios so I pull the smoker out on the driveway.  (I read the rules from cover to cover. Twice. Nothing about driveways.)

Oh, by the way, for those of you interested in the great bacon experiment here’s an update:  Hormel is safe for the moment.  I give it a B to B – though it did get positive reviews from fellow pork aficionado Nick.  (He’s got an interesting blog, so I’d recommend you check it out at:  http://factmeetsfiction.wordpress.com/).  Successful enough that I’m preparing more for the big Labor Day camping trip with my little brother and his family.

One of the great benefits of smoking your own meat is that it forces you to slow down – at least for the day.  It’s not something that can be rushed. It’s not a meet and greet but a committed relationship.  Nothing good comes fast. 

It took me a while but I’ve learned the secret of the fire.  Frankly, it’s the difference between quality and a wasted day.  I pull the car out of the garage and park it in the visitor’s section of the complex and then comes the smoker out of the garage.  It’s only a one car garage so it’s a bit like a puzzle getting everything to fit in and out. 

I love the natural charcoal.  Not because it costs more or it’s “greener” but because it provides a consistent heat and it doesn’t add any unnatural flavors to the meat.  I always have a variety of wood chunks on hand to flavor the smoke appropriately but for today’s efforts, it has to be hickory.

The night before I’ve added my proprietary spice rub to both the brisket and the pork butt and rubbed it in.  (Insert your own inappropriate comment here.) Now it’s resting on the counter getting to room temperature before landing on the smoker.

Once on the smoker, it’s there for the next 10 to 12 hours.  Not going anywhere today.  A camp chair and table in the garage holds me and a drink and a book or the paper.  And this is benefit one of smoking your own meat. 

You see, as the meat smokes gently over the next few hours my only concern is to ensure that the temperature is hovering around 250 to 300 degrees and there’s nice smoke coming across the food. And for the next few hours I feel the troubles of the world leave my shoulders and hitch a ride on the coattails of the smoke coming from the smoker and floating down the street.

Now I get caught up on the events of the week or lost in a good book.  Because, as Emeril would put it, “as the meat gets happy,” so do I.

The only thing better than smoking your own meat is what you do after it’s been smoked.  You eat it.

 I must say that the most recent effort was a delicious success.  There’s nothing better than slicing into a brisket, seeing that beautiful smoke ring and having the meat melt in your mouth.  It makes me very happy that I’m not a vegetarian. The only thing left to do? Head to bed relaxed, refreshed and ready to face the challenges of another day.

“Stop Touching Me!”

Last night I got home from work exhausted. I poured myself a Coke Zero with a generous splash of Bacardi.  It wasn’t from a full day of meetings with clients or the fact that it was a late night at the Cubs game (the good guys won this one).

It was from an exchange with someone who knows how to push every single button to drive me crazy.  Maybe I’m the only one but I don’t think so.

It doesn’t really matter how much time elapses but there are certain people that just have the unique gift to push every one of your buttons.  You know the buttons . . . the ones that bring out the angry eyes . . . the ones that drive you completely crazy. 

It may be a coworker, family member, spouse or ex-spouse but somehow they know where all the buttons are hidden.  It’s sort of like those family vacations I remember growing up.  Three boys all in the back seat trying not to get caught irritating the bejesus out of the one sitting next to them.  And just like in professional sports, it was usually the responder not the initiator who got caught.

“Stop touching me!” was usually the cry that got the response from the adults in the front seat. I think traveling like that was inhumane.  How could you not work at irritating the brother sitting next to you? The big bench seat up front had this wide open space but the back seat?  It seemed smaller than a seat on a regional jet today.

You couldn’t even change position without bumping the kid next to you and this was long before seatbelts were required for all passengers!

I recall a friend telling of their car rides as kids. The dad apparently left a ruler on the front dash of the car and when things got out of hand, the ruler came over the front bench seat swinging back and forth trying to connect with one or both of the kids all the while yelling: “you don’t want me to stop the car and settle this!” They got very skilled at finding the corners where the ruler did not reach.

I was usually the one getting caught in this insane crossfire.  My twin brother, whom I always associated with that scheming biblical twin of note Jacob, seemed never to get caught.  (By the way, while I love food, I never sold my birthright to him for anything!) Maybe it was because I always had all the subtly of Esau. 

Even though he’s not the subject of today’s blog he can still push those same buttons and take me back more than 40 years to those days. (And, I can push his, too. I guess that comes from being womb-mates.)

So let me ask you: how do you move beyond and not let those people push your sanity over the edge?

Most of the time I’m able to go with the flow even if it’s a bit bumpy along the way.  But every once in a while I run across someone who is intent on pushing every single button that brings out the angry eyes as one close friend refers to them. I wish I didn’t.  So if you’ve got some advice, I’m all ears.

Passion: One Secret to Fulfillment in Life

Passion. The word alone evokes a lot of feelings doesn’t it?

A passionate love affair.  A passion for your vocation.   A passion for customer service.

Each one conjures up a different image.  Though every image may be different, they all have one thing in common.  If you’re passionate about something, you’re “all in.”  When was the last time you were “all in” about anything?  Do you remember what that felt like?

Just today I was meeting with a prospective client and at the conclusion of the meeting, one of the people to whom I was presenting (Ann Obenchain I hope you’re proud) said to me:  “it’s clear that you’re passionate about what you do.”

What a powerful complement.  

There are so many times that I walk out of a presentation feeling as though I was only going through the motions. Maybe I didn’t believe strongly in what I was presenting. Maybe I wasn’t feeling well. Whatever the reason I wasn’t “all in.”

Here’s the thing about passion.  It’s not something that I can always determine.  It’s most often seen by others . . . through their grid . . . through their belief system.  If someone questions your passion, you can’t just respond and say that “I’m really passionate about this.”  If it doesn’t show to others you should question how you view yourself.

It’s been said that sincerity counts and once you can fake that you’ve got it made.  The sad truth is that sometimes we believe that to be true. Do we really believe we can fake sincerity?

We’ve all run across people oblivious to the fact that their lack of sincerity is so obvious to everyone yet they believe they’ve got you fooled.  I’d like to say that they’re the “used car salesmen” of the world but that would be a strong disservice to used car salesmen.

I have to say that I’m grateful to another prospect who reminded me that I was off focus.  After what was, I thought, a strong presentation where most of the room was engaged in dialog and interacting throughout, this leader spoke up. 

You could sense his frustration in his the tone and tenor of his voice.  He said: “I feel like you’re trying to sell me a car instead of helping me buy one.”

Wow. Strong words. But so on target. He was right.

It wasn’t my intention to sell but it crept into the language I used.  I’ve been working in fundraising for a lot of years (over 30 by now) and have a lot of experiences and knowledge.  Sometimes, without thinking, I fall into going through the motions.  I don’t have the same passion for what I do that I did years ago.

And, frankly, that’s what happened.  Regardless of my intention, this non-profit executive saw through my lack of passion and it didn’t sit well with him. It shouldn’t have and I’m grateful for his response.  It may seem like a subtle distinction but he didn’t say he didn’t want to buy.  He just didn’t want to be sold. 

Isn’t that the truth? I don’t want to be sold any more than he did.  But when the passion of what you do comes through, you end up helping your customers buy your products and making gifts to your organization.  They can’t help it.  It’s contagious.

Here’s the hard part. Passion can’t be faked.  It can’t be turned on or off.  And most of the time when it’s at its best, we’re not even trying to be passionate. It just shines through like a lighthouse in the darkest night.